Ignore the stupid tender moodcon at that bottom because that ain't how I'm feelin' today; dA's being retarded with its moodcons for the journal, so my mood is: . . . not that I expect you to care. I just hate it when things don't do what they are supposed to do. Oi and I'm listening to Hinder's Lips of an Angel.

I've been quite down this week and pretty much pissed with the world. I can't really tell one why...the aggravation just seeps from a multitude of sources. And some of those sources I just don't want to examine. I've already come to terms that my heart still hurts over wounds months upon months old...and even those wounds of a year ago and into several years... and my chosen way of dealing with 'em at the moment is getting pissed. Because getting pissed is not nearly as pathetic as crying over 'em. . .

I think I've dealt with something, and it turns out that I just may have not... it pisses me off. That things are smooth...and then alluva sudden the world fragments around me. The little shards of contentment reminding me what a fool I am...that I really know nothing...that I am nothing.

I suppose I'm really upset with my sister too... for not calling like she said she would when she knows I was worried about her... I'm just leaving her...and it hurts...I'm leaving them all behind...and it hurts. I freakin' riddled with a helluvalotta doubt...over my choice to transfer again Fall 2009. I'm yet again wondering if it's just stupid...if I'm just selfish...if I'm just running...if I'm just scared. Cuz my family...I don't really think they want me to go. And...I keep telling myself I don't give a fuck...but I know deep down I do. And it's so alien calling those people family. . . UGHHHHHHHH!

I've made As in cultural geography and history of civilization to fifteen-hundred bringing my overall GPA at my current college to 3.70. I'm finished with the first half of my summer classes. I've got a freakin' a three day weekend...I start my second job in eight days. I opened a savings account for my move to AZ with one-hundred dollars. I'm getting my fucking feet rooted to the ground in a most stable position like the good, sturdy, stubborn Capricorn that I am. And I'M JUST NOT HAPPY! I'm pissed...I'm seething...and I'm avoiding most people at all costs. . .

DAMN IT! -growls- I just need to write...PROSE! You know what writing poetry is to me these days? It's like a damn drug that I only take in small amounts to stave off the desire to lose myself into the depths of my maddening creativity and inspiration. I write poetry to stave off the need to get lost in my own obsessive addiction to write... ugh... Somebody conk me over the head with a wine bottle...please?

Stamps:



Clubs:



Completed Themes:

89. Through the Fire
2. Love
43. Dying
15. Silence
78. Drink
37. Eyes
99. Solitude
12. Insanity
82. Can You Hear Me?

My authentic japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 純子 Junko (pure child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

"...There is no one who does not carry scars on his heart. If there were someone in the world like that, he would be a shallow bastard." ~Hiei, Yuu Yuu Hakusho

your mouth goes numb at the sight of someone you think is the most gorgeous creature on the planet. Yes, folks, even 20 year old females in college who are about as wierd as they come in just about every aspect of their lives...still get reactions to instantaneous crushes.

I got the whole heart palpitation thing and not being able to think straight in said person's presence... -sigh- But my mouth going numb?!?! I knew I was wierd, but what the freakin' heck is up with that?!

I mean, I probably won't get to see this gorgeous mouth savoring creature again...but man...sometimes bein' wierd is just...WIERD!

Stamps:



Clubs:



Completed Themes:

89. Through the Fire
2. Love
43. Dying
15. Silence
78. Drink
37. Eyes
99. Solitude
12. Insanity

My authentic japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 純子 Junko (pure child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

"...There is no one who does not carry scars on his heart. If there were someone in the world like that, he would be a shallow bastard." ~Hiei, Yuu Yuu Hakusho

Gods, I love her...my baby sister. Even though she's not a baby anymore. I love her so much it hurts...

+++

I love my sister.
Shes my world.
Without her
There would be no me.
Your the closet to heaven that I'll ever be.
-Words, to me, spoken by my beautiful baby sister

If you steal them, I will personally hunt you down and shave ALL your hair off in the most painful, possible way (and this is not just hair on your head, either). And if you don't have any...well I will just start on your skin. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging me for the sweet surrender of death... -laughs maniacally-

+++

Good Enough
by Ainohimitsu
on June 22, 2008
For the one whom I would move heaven and earth, my beautiful baby sister...

+++

Of all the things you could do
Of all the things you could be
Of all the things you are
Of all the things I see...

If I've never told you this
If I've just swept it aside
If I've kept my voice down
If I've kept it inside...

Well, I'm telling you right now
that I love you with my all
that you are my hero
that the tears I cry fall...
because I'm not good enough
good enough to be your sister

I stand on my feet for you
I stay strong in soul for you
I will be free for you
and to myself be true...

Because I'm nothing alone
Because I'm nothing with fear
Because I'm nothing numb
I'm everything near...

And I'm everything far
far, so very far away...

I have to go away
and I know it's again...

But please, please
understand...

That you're not the only one
who has to grow up stronger
who has to learn to love
who knows the Path's longer...

I'm strong because
you're my heaven
and my earth...

I want to be good enough
good enough to face your light
A sister...a true one...
Good enough for your sight

My dearest one, I love you.

Stamps:



Clubs:



Completed Themes:

89. Through the Fire
2. Love
43. Dying
15. Silence
78. Drink
37. Eyes
99. Solitude
12. Insanity

My authentic japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 純子 Junko (pure child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

"...There is no one who does not carry scars on his heart. If there were someone in the world like that, he would be a shallow bastard." ~Hiei, Yuu Yuu Hakusho

Swiped from my beautiful little wolf who stole it from ; I swear the cycle never ends! Hopefully this sort of thing is good karma, ne?

Leave a comment, and I will;

a) Tell you why I friended you
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, et cetera
c) Tell you something I like about you
d) Tell you a memory I have of you
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
f) In return, you must post this in your journal.

I just realized how many people depended on me here and elsewhere on the web...and in real life. I was starting to feel lonely again, and think nobody cared...but then I get your beautiful, thoughtful, sweet comments...and I remember that people do care. I remember that I am needed. But most of all I remember that I need you all too.

Thanks for being there... -huggles all you beautiful dA people-

Himi-san

Stamps:



Clubs:



Completed Themes:

89. Through the Fire
2. Love
43. Dying
15. Silence
78. Drink
37. Eyes
99. Solitude
12. Insanity

My authentic japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 純子 Junko (pure child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

"...There is no one who does not carry scars on his heart. If there were someone in the world like that, he would be a shallow bastard." ~Hiei, Yuu Yuu Hakusho

I just realized it was Friday the 13th! Ahhaha!
Dammmmmn it I wanna write, but I gotta go to work!!! Oh well I get off at 3:30! Squeeee! I'll update for sure today, though. Sorry for bein' such a slow poke...
Hmmm I feel bad for my Fractured readers...I haven't updated in almost two weeks...Guess I better do that this weekend, hu?
I've been watching The Law of Ueki! You should go watch it! It's great.
Okay now I have to finish getting ready for work... -grumbles-
Oi, and there's 181 deviations in my box. I'm not ignoring you or not commenting just because. I've been busy as heck lately. I will definitely find time to comment this weekend!

Himi-san

Stamps:



Clubs:



Completed Themes:

89. Through the Fire
2. Love
43. Dying
15. Silence
78. Drink
37. Eyes
99. Solitude

My authentic japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 純子 Junko (pure child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

"Kurama, there is no one who does not carry scars on the heart. If there were someone in the world like that, it would be a shallow soul." ~Hiei, Yuu Yuu Hakusho